Techno-fit

Is it only me, or has the art of exercising been transported too far into the twenty-first century?
The gym which I half-heartedly attend has recently availed itself of an entirely new set of equipment; most of which looks as though it is designed to test the very latest robots.

Being bewildered whilst engaging with pedals and levers is probably not a good idea so I accepted the offer of help from a 'trainer'. She was a) far younger than me, b) clearly far fitter but c) so caked in make-up that I wondered if it was possible for her to exhibit signs of perspiration! With all the enthusiasm of youth and that training courses had provided her with, she exhibited great patience when demonstrating the purpose, possibilities and potential benefits of each machine. Quite how I am going to remember not to stride too far on one in case it transfers into 'run' mode from 'step', I have no idea; probably only by falling off the darned thing as pedals lunge forwards.

The capabilities of each machine to improve my stamina, fitness, mobility, or whatever it is I think I'm going to the gym for, is nothing when compared to the entertainment that I can be treated to whilst I am there. Gone, dear reader, are the days of stuffing a walkman in a pocket and jogging slowly round the block. I can now plug myself into the many television channels and radio stations that were available before the gym re-fit - and - I can now go online should I choose to do so and/or, (and this was announced triumphantly by the trainer, as though I could never want for more from a workout), I can play Sudoku!

I laughed. Of course, that's why I go to the gym, to complete puzzles! In response to my remark that,"I'd fall off!" the treadmill, my guide looked perplexed. She tried to redeem the situation by pointing out the socket into which I could plug either my 'phone or my i-pod. My phone doesn't quite have an aerial, but it does resemble a brick in shape and certainly doesn't 'store' music; I'm still fighting my children for control of the i-pad and haven't ventured further alphabeticallly to the i-pod. This time it was the trainer's jaw that dropped, although she had tact enough to close her mouth again and smile.

Before she put my life in my hands and left me to "try things," she left me with this gem. "In the next few weeks you'll be sent an e-mail and if you click on a link you'll be able to sign up to our special gym ap which means that wherever you go in the world on holiday you can access your fitness programme."

Not only is there a generational gap, but a planetary one.